Learn To Trust Again
by Sango higorashi
Summary: Roxas is from an abusive relationship, and tries to build a better future for himself. rated M for (a) violent scene(s), rape, abuse, sex, severe language, and possibly triggering themes.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys. This is… completely different than what I normally write. To warn you, this story is rated M for (a) violent scene(s), rape, abuse, sex, severe language, and triggering themes. The first chapter isn't nearly as bad as what some of the flashbacks may end up being. I'm not sure whether I'm going to include them yet.. I already have them written, I just don't know if I'm comfortable enough to post them.**

**Note: I love Xigbar, I think he's awesome and I do not hate him. I don't hate any of the Organization members actually.. However, Xigbar fit the bill as abusive boyfriend better than any of the others. Weirdly enough I can't see Xigbar x Roxas in any other type of relationship though.. lol. This chapter is written in present tense (Except for the flashbacks) because it was easiest for me to write like that. I may or may not keep present tense; I normally find it hard to write in, but I felt this chapter was best written in present.**

**Read and review and tell me what you think.. I would like to know what you liked; what you disliked; and your opinions on the story line and my portrayal of the characters, especially Roxas. Thank you.**

As I glare in the mirror, I cringe as I rinse the cover-up off the bruises on my face. Uncovering each one brings back the memories of why I received them, and why I need to leave. Quivering slightly with fright, yet knowing I have to be brave, I steel myself, preparing for what I am about to do. When the make-up is all off, I look in the mirror at my purple and swollen left eye; my yellowing cheek; and the rope burns around my neck. I grit my teeth, and walk into the hall. I check the doorway to see a familiar figure standing outside, and I feel just a bit braver. I ensure my bags are near the door, and, breathing deeply to calm myself, I walk into the living room. As I stand there staring for a moment, I remember when I'd first met him..

_Flashback_

_I was at the supermarket, trying to find all the items on my list. When I looked down, I walked into something very warm and very solid. I glanced up, noting it was a person._

"_Sorry," I murmured quickly, looking briefly at the man, then down to my list. When my brain had registered what it had seen, I stared back up slowly. I took in the long legs, first. Lord, his legs were long; his hips were around my waist area. I saw his slim waist, his expansive chest.. and then I saw his face. His golden eye was looking down at me in amusement._

"_Uh," I murmured, and looked at the scar on his cheek. I wondered how he got it, and I wanted to touch it. I looked at the amused grin on his face, and flushed. I realised I was staring, but I couldn't help it._

"_Well… my name's Xigbar," he said, and stuck his hand out to shake._

_End Flashback _

"I…" I start, quietly, pathetically. I know the other man did not hear me; I know he won't hear me if I don't speak up. Guess I`m still scared shitless. To comfort myself, I grasp the cell phone in my pocket and clutch it tightly, knowing that I only have to press _talk_ and my help, who is currently waiting outside the door, will burst through the door. I don't want it to come to that though. I watch as the man in the chair drinks his disgusting beer, and smokes his disgusting, painful cigar.

"X-Xigbar, I'm leaving." I state loudly, forcing my shaky voice to be firm. The chair, previously rocking, freezes, and I force myself not to flinch in terror as it slowly turns around, revealing the smirk on that sadistic fuck's face.

"Why aren't you wearing your make-up, Roxas?"he growls lowly ignoring my statement, and gets up. I make myself stand still, refusing to show fear.

"I'm leaving." I repeat firmly, and resist shaking as he walks slowly closer to me. I can't let that bastard see how scared I am; I`m so close to getting out of this shithole. As Xigbar inches closer to me my lip twitches, like it always does when I'm nervous.

"No, you're not." He says simply, and anger and fear flare through me. I step forward, and glare up at this man whom I loved, honestly loved, yet I`ve been abused by him for the last three years of my life.

"Yes, Xigbar, I am." I state with more assertiveness than I feel. I`m expecting the slap to the face, so it doesn't bother me as much when it comes. The memory of the first time he hit me flashes through my brain.

_Flashback: Dating, week four_

_I'm not sure what I'd done to make him angry. We were sitting in a restaurant on my twenty first birthday, waiting for our meal, and we got into an argument. I should have left when he slammed his fist down on the table. I should have left, right then and there. But I didn't. When we got to his place, I was barely in the door before he raised his hand to me and slapped me across the face._

"_Don't fucking piss me off, Roxas," he snarled viciously, and I sat there, shell-shocked. I didn't know what had happened. Tears had welled in my eyes, and as soon as he saw them, his anger had dissipated._

"_Shit.. Roxas I'm sorry," he had, what I know now, lied when he had said this. "I lost my temper baby… fuck I'm sorry, I won't do it again," he soothed, and I allowed him to coddle me. I really don't know why, but I stayed._

_End Flashback_

"Shut the fuck up, Roxas, you are not fucking leaving me." he snarls, and I can tell he`s holding himself back. He raises the fist with the cigar in it, and I flinch. Cigars hurt when they land in your face, trust me on that.

"I'm fucking leaving, Xigbar, and you can't stop me," I rush, "I loved you, for fuck's sake, and for three years you've beaten the piss out of me. I'm fucking done with it," I back away, ducking when the furious fucker throws his punch.

"I'm always going to fucking bring you back, you little bitch," he snarls, and pins me against the wall with one hand, "You. Are. Not. Leaving!" he screams right in my face, accentuating each word with a punch to my abdomen, burning through my clothes with his cigar. With each one I wince, but the last one is particularly hard, causing me to cry out in pain.

As soon as I do the door opens, and shouts are heard.

"Get the fuck off of him!"

"Get off!"

"Back the fuck off Man!"

Multiple voices roar and Xigbar looks to the door with shock as four police officers and my twin brother burst into the living room. He lands another punch to my face, effectively breaking my nose and leaving a round burn mark, before being pulled off me. I fall to the ground, tears falling and I`m trying to stop the bleeding from my nose. Sora's arms wrap around me, and I hear the sounds of Xigbar fighting back.

"You fucking bastard! I'm going to fucking find you and kill you, you little fuck!" he screams, and I look up at him. Tears are streaming down his face, and I just watch him.

"I fucking loved you and this is how you fucking pay me back?!" he screams, and I lose my temper. I stare at him in angry shock, and kick him in the shin from where I`m sitting.

"Loved me? Fucking loved me? You beat the fucking shit out of me on a fucking daily basis you sick fuck! No, _I_ loved _you_, because I fucking stayed with _you_! You fucking prick!" I scream back, rising from my spot. I try furiously to start towards him only to have Sora's arms wrap around my waist and pick me up off the ground. When the hurt flashes in his eyes and his tears fall heavier, I instantly regret it, out of habit. I do still love him.. even though he's beaten me daily.. abused me.. hurt me.. I love him. You`ll say I`m stupid for it, but I do.. he`s the only person who has ever taken care of me..

"Put me down, put me down!" I cry, trying to break free, trying to get to him. I`m hurting him, I need to apologize. In my shocked stupor, I scream, and try to get to him.. After all.. he only beats me because he loves me.. right?

As I watch two police officer's escort him to their car, he fight and fights. Sora keeps his arms around me, and I slump against him as I cry, not really accepting what had occurred. I cry until I pass out in my twin's arms.

Thanks for reading, let me know what you think. Yes, I know Roxas is OOC for him. he`s meant to be. All of them really are.. You`ll see as the story unravels.

**Love ya`ll, don't be a silent reader OwO**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's chappie two. Enjoy.**

I wake up in a panic, suddenly. That had to have been a dream, there was no way I could have actually left him… right? I flail around, scared, frightened. I feel my face, feel the broken nose, and panic irrationally consumes me. I get up, and , judging by the amount of light outside, it's either dawn or dusk; I can't tell. I start to shake uncontrollably.

"Whoa, easy Roxas," Sora's voice comes from the darkness, and I stop, very suddenly and very quietly.

"Sora's voice… that means I did leave…" I think to myself as memories of the day… before?... flash by me.

"Rox…?" Sora's voice echoes through the room. I try to stop myself, but I can't help it. The tears start to fall again, and I shake. Sora's by my side in an instant, arms around me, soothing me. I lean heavily into him; I'm scared. I know Sora won't understand, but I need to tell him.

"S-Sora I didn't.. I love him.. I…" I stumble over my words, and I can see in the dim light that Sora's face contorts with disgust.

"Love him? Roxas… Look what he did to you!" he scoffs, and I stare at him. I'm broken.. I feel broken, useless. Sora sees the expression written clearly in my eyes, and I can tell he instantly regrets his wording. He holds me tighter to him, and lets me cry until I fall asleep again.

* * *

Two weeks seem to go by in a blur. I stay in bed for the most part, hiding from the world. I sleep for the most part.. I just don't want to deal with the world a the moment. I count each day that goes by.

When I wake up, fourteen days after the incident, it's daylight. Sora is sitting beside me, waiting for me to wake up. His head is down and he's reading. I try to smile because it's weird seeing Sora calm. But it hurts my face to smile, so I don't. Sora glances up at me, and breathes a sigh of relief.

"You're awake," he grins, and I nod. I don't know how long I've been asleep, and I don't want to know.

"Good.." he murmurs, and grabs a thermometer. I shake my head, I know I'm fine, I don't need my temperature taken. But Sora insists, so I have no choice in the matter. When he sees that I'm good ol' 98.8, he relaxes a bit.

"Sora… I'm sorry about yesterday. I was irrational.." I try to apologize for my actions, but Sora raises his hands to stop me.

"Stop. You don't need to apologize, Rox. You're going through a lot, and I know it's not your fault. I'm here for you if you need to talk, okay?" he assures me, and puts his hand on my arm. I look at him and nod hesitantly. Sora sighs, and crawls up into my bed with me.

"Hey, it's alright," he murmurs, and hugs me. I look at him , lost, and let out a shaky breath.

"Sora.. Sora what am I going to do with myself? I've thrown my life away." I query quietly, scared of what the future holds for me. Sora laughs a little.

"Roxas, you're a smart guy. You can go to college. Yeah you're a couple years late, but who cares? You need to get your bachelors. Hey, you always liked working with animals; why don't you start off by volunteering at the…"he pauses haltingly, "zoo," he finishes. I think about it for a minute.

I have always adored animals.. Xigbar never let me have one though. It's my dream to husky puppy. I love them, they are beautiful dogs.

"Oh!" Sora exclaims quietly, and leaps off the bed, "I almost forgot." He dashes out of the room, and when he returns, there's a letter addressed to me. He hands it to me, and I open it slowly.

**Dear Mr. Strife,**

**In light of the unfortunate events that have taken place in your regard, we, the Men's Abuse Centre , have decided to enlighten you and help you on your way. **

**Encased in the next letter is a cheque in your name; a cheque for a year's worth of free counselling; and, a key. **

**Do what you will with the cheque to get you started off into a better life. The counselling will help you, we highly advise you use it. The key is for the Men's shelter. Our doors are always open if you need a place to stay, Mr. Strife.**

**Sincerely,**

M. Mouse

**Chairman of The Men's Council for the Abused **

I glance up at Sora, who is trying his hardest not to smile. I grasp the other envelope and look inside. Indeed, there's two cheques, and a key. I wrap my fingers around the first cheque and pull it out. When I read the amount on it, I yelp, and Sora laughs.

"They're going to take care of you, Rox," he smiles, and I shake my head.

"Four grand?!" I yelp in dismay as I slide my legs out from under the covers. I'm intent on going to that damn shelter and returning the money.

"I don't need th-." I start only to have Sora cut me off.

"You don't need any less, or any more." He states firmly, and I look at him, and contemplate that for a moment.

"Yeah but I don't need four grand. Four grand… What the fuck could I spend that on?!" I holler, and just stare at the cheque. I'm not ever going to need four freaking grand!

"Well… you could spend it on groceries… or perhaps finding yourself a new place to live… that sort of thing," Sora prods carefully, and I glance at him.

"_I never really thought about it… I need a place to live. I can't stay with my brother for the rest of my life. I have to find a place of my own_," I think to myself, and I bite my lip in thought. Sora gets up and goes to the door.

"Well.. I've got to go out for a bit. We need some groceries." He murmurs, and pats me on the head reassuringly.

"You just take some time to yourself, alright Roxas? " he smiles kindly, and I nod.

"Oh, your boss called. He said come in whenever you feel up to it," he relays, and I watch him leave the room. I sit on the bed and bring my knees up to my chin. I hug them, and bite my lip, worrying. I know Sora's stressed, and I know it's my fault. I want to help him in some way, but I don't know how. I sigh, and glance at the time. 12:24. That explains why I'm so hungry. I get up, and find my way to the kitchen. I rifle through the refrigerator, looking for something edible. God, Sora eats the weirdest things. I sigh, giving up temporarily on the fridge, and look in the cupboard for cereal. Finding some Crispy Crunch, I fix myself a bowl and sit at the table, munching away. I glance at the calendar. I haven't been to work for about three weeks.. I should probably go in.

After I rinse my bowl, I pick up the phone and dial my boss's number.

"Tifa's Bar and Grill, how can I help you?" my boss's fake-preppy voice echoes through the phone.

"Hey, Tifa," I greet, and I hear her gasp.

"Roxas! Oh, my god, are you okay? How are you?" She asks worriedly, and I smile. She's always looking out for me.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I'm … I don't really know. Anyways, I was calling because I was wondering if I could work tonight?" I try, and I hear Tifa smile.

"So dedicated, Roxas, but are you sure?" She asks in concern, and I tell her I'm fine.

"Well… Yeah, I think I could swindle it. What time are you able to come in?" I contemplate for a moment.

"Well, Sora's gone out for a while," I start slowly, "I could probably walk there in-." I start, and Tifa cuts me off hurriedly.

"No, no, no, I'll come out and pick you up. Now, where exactly do you live?" she asks, and I quickly give her directions.

"Alright, I'll be there in a jiffy," she says, and I agree. We hang up, and I sigh. Guess it's time to get back some normality in my life.


	3. Chapter 3

**I moved the story forward a couple weeks. I didn't really need the filler chapters, I wish I had more time to write so that I could write them, but I'm really pressed for time.**

**Enjoy~**

Two weeks have gone by since I went back to work.. four weeks since I left him.. and a lot has happened.

I've actually found an apartment that I can afford on bartending wages, and I'm moving in today. I've got four bags. One bag is clothes, one bag is dishes and cutlery, one is my work stuff, and the other is all the Knicks and knacks I need. I'm carrying two bags, and is Sora carrying the others.

As I walk into the doorway of the apartment, I pause. A memory passes over my mind, and I cringe.

Flashback

"_Hey, Roxas," Xigbar grinned, opening the door of his- no, our- new house. I smiled up at him, and kissed him on the cheek. _

"_Have you got everything?" he asked, and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. He watched as the moving men carried all of my stuff into the house._

"_Yeah, I think I do…" I trailed off and wrapped my hands into his shirt. He snickered, and his arms wrapped around my waist. _

""_Hey Roxy, all of your stuff is inside, are you alright now?" asked Don, the head mover and a long-time family friend. I broke away reluctantly from Xigbar, and nodded. _

"_Yeah, thanks Don," I hugged him, and walked back to Xigbar, who wrapped his hand tighter than normal around my waist. "Say hi to mom and dad for me?" I asked, and Donny nodded._

"_Sure thing Roxas!" He grinned, and moved off. After I waved him goodbye and went inside with Xigbar._

"_What the fuck was that?" he snarled as soon as the door closed. He shoved me against the wall, pinning me against it._

"_Wh-what?" I asked nervously. I knew I had pissed him off, but I hadn't meant to.._

"_You fucking know what Roxas!" he yelled, and smacked me across the face, the sound resounding throughout the empty house. I looked at him with tears in my eyes, and held my burning cheek. I' was used to the pain.. he's hit me enough by then.. but I had thought it would stop when I moved in with him._

"_I'm sorry!" I cried, and he bit his lip, contemplating. He looked at me, then opened his arms._

"_I'm sorry. I over reacted. I know he's a family friend, and .. I don't know baby.. I just get jealous." He murmured, and I hugged him._

_End Flashback_

I freeze in the doorway, apprehensive about going in now. Sora comes up behind me and pushes me gently.

"Hey, you okay buddy?" Sora asks, and I look at him. I want to say no, but I won't. I love my brother... I don't want him to be worried about me.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I whisper, and Sora wraps his arm around me comfortingly. I'm grateful to him.

"Come on. Let's put it all of your stuff away." Sora grinned, and I sighed, grabbing one of my bags and setting to work.

After I get settled in and everything, I have to go to work. When I arrive at work, I have to open the bar myself because I'm the only bartender on duty tonight; The other bartender, Jesse, is with her sister who is having a baby. The restaurant doesn't open till 7, so I'm going to be alone with the customers for three hours. Joy.

I open the door, and a ghost of a smile glances over my face at the familiarity of my work. The rustic old bar is a comforting place for me. I go around to the back of the bar and check the till, wondering whether my cheque is in. It isn't. Sighing, I click the button that makes the neon OPEN sign glow. Putting my jacket on, I glance up as the first patrons of the night walk in; a blond chick who has antennae-like extensions… at least.. I'm _hoping _their extensions.. and a guy with pink hair walk in.

"Oh baaaartender!" the pink-haired dude calls. It's obvious this guy is as straight as a rainbow. I walk over to the pair, and raise my eyebrow skeptically.

"What'll it be?" I ask mechanically, feigning total interest.

"I'll have a martini, and my friend here will have…?" he exclaims, then breaks off into a question, which she finishes with, "A screwdriver."

I smirk a little, and set the drinks up. I rocket them down to the pair, and turn to the glasses that I need to start polishing.

"Wait a minute…" the pink haired man starts, and I turn around, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes?" I mutter, resisting a smart-ass comment.

"Aren't you Roxas?" The guy asks, and I stare at him blankly.

"What's it to you, bud?" I scoff, and go back to the dishes. He squeals, however, and reaches over the bar to wrap his arms around my waist.

"Ag-gah whoa there what the hell-!" I yelp, and back away from the bar. The pink haired man giggles, and I roll my eyes, refusing to cringe and rub the bruised area he'd grabbed.

"_This guy must be a freakin' lightweight," _I think to myself, and back away from him.

"Roxas, don't you remember me?" he exclaims, and I shake my head. He gasps in mock outrage, and then giggles again.

"Roxas, it's me, Marluxia!" He exclaims, and I instantly realize who it is.

Well, fuck.

Marluxia: A.K.A., the bane of my high school existence, that annoying fucker who essentially ruined my high school life by following me around and making me look like a fool in front of all my friends.

"Oh… Marluxia… Hi…" I mutter awkwardly, and go back to work on my glasses. This is so not, what I need.

"How are you?" he squeals, and I scoff incessantly.

"I'd rather not talk about it," I mutter on the edge of insanity of the statement.

"Well, I've been in the fashion industry!" he starts, and I just tune him out. He's still as obnoxious as ever. The door opens again, and I glance at who enters. It's my boss, Tifa.

"Tifa!" I call her over, glad to have a way to respectfully ignore my patron. My boss looks over, and smiles. She hops over the bar and grins at me.

"Hi Roxas, how are you today?" she asks, and I shrug, attempting nonchalant.

"I'm alive," and at that she laughs.

"Really, Rox, how _are _you? You've been so quiet about everything since you came back to work, and I figured now is a good time to talk." She murmured, and I look thankfully at her. Tifa would do anything for Sora and I, she's really been like a second mother to us. It helps that she's sweet on our dad, yeah, but she'd never admit it.

"Thanks, Tifa," I fake a smile, "It's appreciated. But really, I'm fine. I'm… I'm apprehensive. Everything is a new challenge," I chuckle and roll my eyes. Tifa's face is a mask of concern, and she sighs with regret.

"I should have noticed. I'm sorry, Roxas. I'm the one who sees you the most. When you started to come in with…" she starts, and I hold up my hands to shush her.

"It's not your fault, Tifa, and frankly, I'd like to drop it please… I'm trying to make it my past." I muttered, shrugging my shoulders and looking at her with pleading eyes. She pauses, then nods. She understands then, I think to myself, and turn back to the till. The door slams open, and I barely glance up. I'm used to the customers mistreating the property.

"Welcome to Tifa's bar, what's your poison?" I ask robotically, not expecting what was about to come, not expecting to hear the silky smooth voice of my high school crush, not expecting to have my entire being flustered by that damned redheaded nuisance who had caused most of the self-harm in high school, even though he had always been my best friend.

"Roxas, hey. I know you won't remember me, but, I heard about you on the news. I booked some time off of work and flew down here as fast as I could. Are you okay?" came the voice of that damned Axel Flynn.

**Can't be a good story without a little Axel, Marly, and Larxy eh? Lol. These characters will all come into play, don't worry. At least I think they will. O.o hope you enjoyed, please read and review. I'm not sure what I'm doing right or wrong in my character portrayals. Thanks guys.**


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